In
a sea of robust men twice my size, I stood anxiously. My heart pounded against
my chest, adrenaline rushed through my body, and my mind focused on only one
thought: nationals. The sun still hid behind the mountainous train that I was
about to face, and a cool breeze brushed against the bleak, frosted ground that
would soon be trampled by a stampede of ruthless beings who all shared the same
goal as I. Moments before I entered the starting gate, only covered by a thin
black shirt and mossy green short, the bitter climate froze my skin. My muscles
were nearly immobilized; I felt like I hauled a ball and chain as I approached
the starting corral. Once I entered the corral,
the bodies surrounding me radiated a warmth that thawed out my frozen body and
relieved me of my overbearing
weights. Being only five foot seven, I could not see anything past the mosh of
giants except for the inflatable, mud covered arc that stood above the start
line and the director standing on a raised platform beside it. The director, pale,
oddly clean looking, and slim, paired a red flannel with grey kakis. His appearance
was strikingly similar to a retail worker’s. This man proudly gripped the
starting pistol in his right ape-like palm. He raised it above his head.
Knowing that with the twitch of finger he would start a charge of determined,
unstoppable beasts, the man smirked. He waited. My heart rate sped up, and I felt
my breaths becoming more and more shallow by the second. This quick
anticipation building moment felt like an endless eternity. Finally, he pulled
the trigger.
Your descriptions were really imaginative and gave a great mental image; it made something that could have been described in a mundane way very interesting. Also, you were really effective at building tension throughout the paragraph.
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